then again perhaps this ending is just a new beginning... mind you it takes a lot to care, again... once your heart turns so cold... but the beauty of that curse is enough warmth will help it melt... until once more beauty can pass through the skin... leaving you to wonder the reason you had gave permission... to live so long... stuck in one position... like a picture frame from a contortionist body in motion... felt disfigured, emotionally... believed there would never be a way to forgive anyone... then I woke up gasping for oxygen... wondering where I had gone... there is a trickle of light from my window that is just pouring down... for once it doesn't seem to burn... for the first time in forever it feels like I was mistaken... was my fault that loves kept leaving... they grew close to me only to discover my abyss will swallow them down... hence why they were right to leave me alone... who can blame the spirit for wanting salvation... give credit to those women that tried their best before surrendering... blame game is no fun when the only person is you alone in front of a mirror... then reality gets to be too real to bare... most won't know what I mean... but those that do will appreciate the advise I am giving... things get better once you learn being better doesn't mean giving in... it comes once you accept yourself without compromise... then the light will only sting... in memories... just like happiness only burns for a moment until you accept it isn't something you can ever truly own... keeping up with my passion... that is all that can be done... without it I am nothing... and I been nothing for far too long... don't doubt none will return... but at least some may say congratulations on deciding to start living... and that is the sweetest words that one can ever choke down... once they themselves realize they gave up the mourning one recent morning... and look around to realize they are right, as you concentrate on your breathing... once more you will become that which you feared would mean there was nothing waiting... oh, life...
(hard to type with hand / wrist in current condition)
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