rehab is a place for failures

Behind this smile I wear,

Lays in wait a bitter,

beast of a monster.

I probably try harder

Than most to never

Ever stay close to sober

Longer than a hour,

Two is close too torture.

Lately though the future

Keeps trying to appear

To reveal itself as true-

An image of absolute horror.

Unable to see anywhere

That finds me full of laughter

And that fills me with fear.

Darling, you got this sparkle

Inside the depths of your eye

It shines bright enough to lure

Me in to you despite the weather

Just like a banshee song in literature.

But, only inside a books chapter

Have I found anything near

There being a story of a character 

Whom manages to get happier

As he slowly becomes mature 

Learning lessons after

Making a mistake over and over

Until finally enough is no more

That he suddenly does swear

Before he just manages to disappear

Leaving everyone to think of a disaster

Until he returns to prove it is doable. 

I apologize for never showing i care

But I don't believe anyone can get better

Unless you're still much younger

Other wise eventually you are who you are. 

Hence why I am ripe with deviant behaviour

Even though I would rather not be a sinner

Instead become some famous singer.

Everyone is so unaware

Of how fragile we all truly are.

I crave insecurities

Thee clenched the thirst of wist I've been longing;

love's drought evident in every bit of literature's design.

No, melody to explain

how unsure i have slowly been becoming;

But it is infinity serenity I long

To discover in it the soft touch of loving.

Soft silk was what made her skin

Dark eyes like coal brightly burning

As if hell lived there, deep within 

Hidden ever so slightly among the heaven

She tries with such desperation

To try and convince everyone

Something tells me even her own reflection

That she is worth the price she's charging,

Not exactly certain

But by now close to ransom of a king.

To be fair though every so often

I would of sworn to any God of any religion

That she reminded me of a time when

Jealously made mad Men

Insane enough to shoot one another down.

Like every other fool I had sang one song

That was in an ode of dedication

To her until the fallacy of trying

Started to grow far to tiring to be chasing

Always running

Just to find myself in the same position

So why bother with making an impression 

To a woman that paid no attention

Nor care about love promised by anyone

Not even if made with unending devotion. 

She believes herself to be a queen

And the world is a hive where everyone

Just does her bidding 

Without ever even have to ask the question.

I guess when your love is strong

Sort of like heroin cooking in a spoon 

Once you taste it, there is no reason

To care about anything

Since the sensation has been stolen 

From everything that once held adoration

Except the unexpected dedication

Romances will never again mean a thing.

Love will be like a sit com rerun

Sort of like needles that keep clogging

Driving you close to near insane.

My best company kept is when I'm alone

How doth ever seen conviction

In thy self's lonely companion?

Stories litter my mouth, tongue jumbled down

If love was a song I could never sing along

in bed with nothing to do

I am lying all over again

but that isn't new my darling.

Each attempt at laughing

is me just faking everything

here it is once again close to noon 

and still in bed I remain

fighting back the desire of motivation

I have no ambition

This is it this is the life I am stuck living

hopefully you found a way of leaving

Behind the everyday mundane dose of pain 

And its endless repetition

at least you left this city still breathing

That is all i long

To discover you no longer hate the sun

you were always everything

I adored wrapped up into one single person

how do you fight an addiction

That is based solely on escaping?

Why did it have to be me that was born 

with this virus secretly hiding and waiting? 

Tomorrow will come and it will bring along

Days that once they are finally gone

will leave me here suddenly missing

Every moment I had been within

Like now they seem so fun

now that they too are gone...

i fall victim for pretty smiles all too easily

Why did i feel sorrow for something that had never before even gotten to of been / all those kind words that she whispered with such feign attempts of conviction / were all failed efforts hoping to convince me her love had been genuine / granted I never feel for the tricks she tried to constantly be pulling / i still admit parts of me felt more broken when suddenly I woke up to the discovery of being alone again / that without warning suddenly I found my self all alone / yet the sting of sorrow only managed to remain for too long / her actions had spoken more truths than her sorry's ever could of done / but now and then I do still often wonder if it truly had been just another work of infatuated piece of fiction / no logic exists within what she considered to of been from her own sound reasoning / i find myself laughing to myself how I thought I fell for a moment that what she was selling had been worthy of sincere feeling / how foolish i had been to of almost accepted her and allowed her to enter the true parts of me I keep from the world so well crafted and perfectly hidden from any viewed observation

this city is killing me

There is no place where I can find a piece of peace of mind within this city / People say it's a beautiful neighborhood to raise a quiet family / and when i hear such things i struggle with not laughing hysterically / Perhaps it is due to knowing every single building that lines the roads may as well be tombstones in a cemetery / Cause each one holds a life of someone i once knew but now are just a fading memory / Time does that to everyone,  after a while no one is left to remember that you were so damn funny / hopefully I realize that life is just a joke before I wake up completely crazy / If there is a part of me that has any hope escaping with my sanity / then it is best to start searching now for that escape path before i am stuck in a revolving door baby /

even satan longs for company

For every set of lips to of ever chosen

By its owner whom willingly caress my own

Had then left the owner of that tongue in ruin,

I do not know much many things to be genuine

But in life you realize some things are certain

Without doubts, despite every single warning

They themselves decide to risk on thinking

Perhaps I the words I spoke were just joking.

Soon enough they discover what I had spoken

Will, though vows that told of my destruction

Each word was one that stated how only insane

Would be foolish enough to ever hope to remain

Around me and find hidden deep down within

Any form of their former self to be willing

Too exist by my side without my poison

Ever cursing their souls&eagerly consuming

Whatever form of beautiful blessing

That these lovely creatures had been given,

Regardless of how many times I said run,

It seems to matter not when their decision

Has been forged, believing they can remain

Where others failed, & I too weak of a man

Fore ever even the devil hates being alone